No words.

The three lovely kids, two females and one male kid of hardly 5 or 7 years olds. They were looking at something in the garage. They were actually trying to give leaves to dog so it can eat. I was passing by . . . saw their acts. Jumped into the situation.

"What are you doing?"

"It's not eat the food. I am giving it the leaves. And look di there's another puppy sleeping under car. Blood is coming out of it. It's bleeding. It got hurt."

"Does dog eat leaves?" "No, it eats only biscuits and Roti or rice."

"I got biscuit, take it."

"Di bring that puppy outside right? Please."

"You adopt that small baby, it's so much in pain. Adopt it di."

"I can't I don't have one home for myself. I will give it food, I will buy biscuits and give it. I can't take it out, it's shivering. It feels hot under that car so taking rest. Don't disturb now."

"Di I got Parata take and give it to that puppy." And saying that she took her tifin box and gave me her food. Felt so happy.

Sometimes kids are so loving and caring. We elders seems to have lost that. We become cold and we act so indifferent towards animals. But those little angels try to help animals in their context and their capabilities. Felt so touched by them.

There were two puppies one was trying to smooch the another that got hurt. They were so happy to see that symbol of love between two puppies. They were so excited and felt happy of that display of affection on each other. They are saying to me, "Look di it's loving, pyar kar rahi hai." And the puppies' father was sleeping without any concern. That small baby girl was shouting at sleeping dog, "Take care of your baby. Come on get up."

"Di is this dog mother or father? It is not at all taking care of his baby. So bad dog. My dad also sleeps like this always. So bad."

"Oh! So sweet."

They have that sense of responsibility even at thsi tender age they understand that father and mother should be taking care of babies. And they were very pissed that the father is not taking care of bleeding dog. They wanted to hit it. I stopped them.

"You don't hurt animals. They are little poor nice creatures. Never hurt them okay?"

"Okay."

Love is visible, no words are needed for that. On animals or on other person. It's visible. Those three sweet children made my day. Felt so happy to see that some one's pain matters to them. They couldn't just be cold and indifferent towards those puppies, they wanted to help and made sure those puppies got the help.

Good or bad?

Goodness is complicated and tangled, it's never looks good always. Sometimes goodness comes from badness. The wicked can stimulate the goodness in others.

Like a person who gives food to other person has gone through the pain of starvation.

Like a person who donates clothes to other person has gone through the harsh weather conditions.

But sometimes people do good things and it's their genetics. A gift of being born as a Good person no matter how many bad and incredibly wicked they meet in his every walk of life, his Goodness is never diminished.

What you see is you, What you see?

Good or bad?

Goodness in you doesn't end just because we met evil in our path. They challenge that evil we meet daily and we win, and next day we are good not like others who tried to mend us and convert us into one of them, the bad. Fight the wicked with goodness and stand. Don't be scared of the set backs, don't be scared of the road blocks. We are heroes aren't we? Just by being good we can change everything around us.

Unless you are bad, you will never be a bad person or get influenced by bad.

Never bow before bad. Don't give excuse of badness in others and be a bad person.

Just scribblings.

I am freaking out . . . scared to death! Oh! God send me an angel to save me . . . life is so tough. Why did you make me so weak? Why did you give me brain? I should either fear future or embrace it. What should be my choice?

No plan B only plan A with very less probability. Hmm! Facts are so against me. But the decision I am supposed to take will decide my future. I am so freaked out. Every step I take is my fate that I write for myself. God! Tell me or signal me my steps. My mind is not working. My logical thinking is stopped. Bless me wisdom.

What did I do to deserve this? I am not okay the way you treat me. I am not at all okay. You understand me God. I am so . . . stuck. In this hell . . . that seems to never end. Some one please save me, I don't care how you do it. But please save me. Get me hell out of here. Help! Help please . . . No way out. Seems to be the end of my world. I got so blanked out and I am so nerved down.

Scary as hell! What should I do now?

Why and what I am thinking.

To me relations are more important than facts. Trust is more important than eyes. I feel things with heart, if heart says okay, then I continue. I do things with heart. And when this heart chooses it chooses always right person. Heart is what made me what I am. My java is chosen by my heart. I love it. In my life my the best friend, did not show me certificate of good person. I became her friend with in an hour. Before that hour we are total strangers. But now, I love her. I truly do.

If you are good person, you will say Jaya you got a gift from God, if you are bad person, you will say, 'gay'. What are you good or bad?

People who see good in me are the ones I need, not the ones who see my certificates, my designation, my reputation. I care my foot who comes to me the way I look, I talk, or I communicate. I care the ones who see for what I am. My inner beauty. My soul. People who love me, and trust me blindly are the ones I need. Others get out. I damn care you.

Thank you for thinking I am a evil. Please go ahead think so . . . Eyes can ditch you . . . ears can mislead you . . . tongue can drift you. Therefore I don't trust them. I trust my heart. And I jump blindly with that faith. And what my heart said me . . . was turned to be a Gold.

A fan.

I never had a fan before, I was nothing but a ordinary people, little people. When I was not knowing that I am special and or talented and not aware of my worth. During those days when I was having low self - esteem those innocent, gentle, sweet and lovely days - I miss those day, no pressure or tensions - no zeal to achieve something, no desperation to become a great person, no dreams; 0 dreams. I was happy just living my life a very ordinary way. I love it to be selfless and that detached from world, unaware and unheeded by the world, when there was none who was dedicated to me and my works. My the best friend tasted me first fan feeling but she wasn't exactly a fan, she is my special - those days I met a fan. When I met my fan for the first time - I met a fan; precisely he met me.

"Hi Cass, I love your writings, paintings and drawings, and poems also, I like the way you live and the recklessness in you awesome!"

I said, "What? Hello . . . how you know me?"

"I am your fan, and I want your autograph." Took his autograph book and gave it to me. You should see my excitement. I never had a fan before. I jumped like a baby, shouted like hell and was like child who got his first ice cream. I did that all in front of him.

"You are not joking? And are you still my fan? After those monkey jumping and shouting?"

"Yes I am your fan. I love your style. I will even die for you."

"You don't have to die. Okay take my autograph. Celebrate it. Be happy." I never had any camera before else I would have taken a lot of pictures where this all happened with him. Hmmm! I miss those days, now it's so common. Now I wanna intensify the fans excitement. The kind of attention and welcome a star gets. I want that. I hope my excitement will get back to me when I become successful, a huge hit. I need only one hit now. God please give me one hit.

The best part is when they know me and I don't know them. A lot hell of people remember my name and me. It's like in mind I say to myself, "Who are you?" and try to guess them with their words. I never say on their face that I don't know them. I don't want to be rude and arrogant. I wanna be soft and tender. I love all my fans and well wishers. Thank you for your love on me. I love you guys. I miss you ya . . . !

I am grateful.

Mostly people don't understand me. It's God's gift that you or me alive and not affected with any disease or in a deadly horrible helpless situation. My goodness is my way of thanking God for His mercy on me. He gave me what ever I asked. And that's only reason I don't take pride in me. I usually don't care that response . . .

It changes after some time, they learn about me after three or six months. Well there explains my profiling of they being stupids. Stupids mostly get offended and think it's my pride and ego. Their super ego never allows them to accept my profiling. It took you three months or six or an year to understand me? But I read you in three seconds and I never got surprised. That's my intelligence. When they realize my worth and give me respect they expect automatically to be nicer than ever just because they are nice to me. It's like they are doing me a favour.

I am neutral all the time. May be you are not thankful to God but I am, I am very thankful to Him. It scares like hell when I think of the possibilities that could happen in life. Facing that fear is the biggest challenge in my life and I play gambling there with my life.

The worst thing in the life is making a choice that would gift you hell. And I am thankful that I never seen that in my life. Every time I have seen growth. Well that's why I am down to earth. What you see in others is what you are . . . believe me. If you see goodness in others you are good person, and if you choose to see bad in others you are a bad person. I see only goodness in others. It's my choice.

Goodness is very rare, if you see that in other person never leave that person.

I can get thousands of them like you, but you will never get a person like me in your lifetime. I promise you this. You are too stupid not to notice my value. And even if you did heed my worth, it means nothing to me. You have to create that value in my life. Without which you are of no worth or use to me emotionally or professionally. Take it or leave it.

I: "leave it."

Prove me how much I mean to you . . . I should feel your feelings. Even friendship is of that importance to me. I just don't make any random person my friend and give my time. Until and unless you are sure of showing me how much I mean to you, you will be my second option: "leave it."

I am a kind person. And I never felt bad in choosing "Leave it." Thank God for that. I am grateful for everything in my life. You see I have went to college wearing only two pair of dresses. And I will never forget that. Two pair of dresses and Pargon slippers. I never forget from where I came and that will always keep me humble. And I thank God for what ever He gave me. I am thankful for my life and what I escaped.

Straight!

My kids are starting to notice I'm a little different from the other dads. "Why don't you have a straight job like everyone else?" they asked me the other day.

I told them this story:

In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree,

"Look at me . . . I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you . . . you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." 

And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said,

"Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest."

So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.