You are the only one I want to know

You are beautiful like demolition. Just the thought of you draws my knuckles white. I don’t need a god. I have you and your beautiful mouth, your hands holding onto me, the nails leaving unfelt wounds, your hot breath on my neck. The taste of your saliva. The darkness is ours. The nights belong to us. Everything we do is secret. Nothing we do will ever be understood; we will be feared and kept well away from. It will be the stuff of legend, endless discussion and limitless inspiration for the brave of heart. It’s you and me in this room, on this floor. Beyond life, beyond morality. We are gleaming animals painted in moonlit sweat glow. Our eyes turn to jewels and everything we do is an example of spontaneous perfection. I have been waiting all my life to be with you. My heart slams against my ribs when I think of the slaughtered nights I spent all over the world waiting to feel your touch. The time I annihilated while I waited like a man doing a life sentence. Now you’re here and everything we touch explodes, bursts into bloom or burns to ash. History atomizes and negates itself with our every shared breath. I need you like life needs life. I want you bad like a natural disaster. You are all I see.

You are the only one I want to know . . .

So Selfish!

I used to love you
I still do
So Selfish
I love the old you
The you that didn't shoot drugs
. . .The you that didn't get beat on by men
You laugh in my face and call me a fool
But its true
I still love you . . .
Sometimes, I can see the old you
When your eyes flash
When you almost look alive . . .

I am strong.

Pain is the best teacher in life. He is merciless, and very harsh. No lenity. No escape. You run and run, but you will never escape from His claws. He clings to you. He will mend into your shadow. And there is nothing you can do about it.

It is not the pain, but it is helplessness . . .

You are the diamond to your loved one's. You are the angel to your parents. You are the laugh on the face of your friends. You are the heaven to the ones who are yours. You are the touch for the one. Of course, you are the one, for whom your parents will do anything for that single smile of yours. You are the one who is life for some one. Your sorrow is others tears. You are delicate and unbreakable one that the others, who ever it is, want to see you always smiling.

But . . . Pain spares none, it comes to you. Nothing matters. Teaches you the reality of the life. You do not ask for it, nonetheless He does what He is meant to do. Life lessons are very bitter and Pain makes sure that you learn it. Pass with 100%. Even a percent less, it will torment you again.You will be complied to put up with all of the syllabus from the scratch rerunning it in your life again making you experience the same. Your vallecula dries out but He does not halt. All the heck starts from the seedling.

Pain hacks into your life, He takes complete control of your life. You are not a life any more. You do not matter to Him. You are nothing to Him. It's certain that there is nothing you can do to stop it; that your life can be thrown away in an instant by Him. He doesn’t care. He’ll beat you down until you stay down because he doesn’t even think of you as alive.

You have to put up with it. And when you emerge alive from His empire you will have success in your hands. The ones who cannot make out are buried into dust.

The fact that I am standing here, even after the paranoia of His showers, proves I am strong. I am the strong one. I am the champion. I am the one who raised from the kingdom of Pain. I am here to fight, and win. I fought, and still exist. I will be fighting and shall not stop to surrender. I survived the living hell, nothing can stop me.

Well, what you did to me was unbelievable, my pain. But then, I got stuck in a hell dimension one time, so a few months under the ocean of pain actually gave me perspective. Kind of a M. C. Esher perspective. But I did get time to think... about us... about the world. Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh, and cruel. But that's why there's us - champions. Doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world is as it should be, to show it what it can be. I was not a part of that yet, not at least until now. Now I am.

Yesterday

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead, yesterday is the promise broken. Yesterday is the end of one Journey . . .

Daily we walk in a difficult and unpredictable path making different choices. And yesterday is not the fence to sit on, sitting on that fence is over. Whether you like it or not, yesterday is an history we made it for ourselves. Accept it or not yesterday is gone, and there is nothing can be done about that. The Genie will not go back into the bottle, I know it is tempting to think that we can hold on to the yesterday, where everything is safe and hazy. But we cannot, and the safe and hazy are what set us on the path of disaster.  The chains of comforts are what keep us from reaching the path of the success. Break it and make yourself free from the safe and hazy yesterday.

Yesterday is vanished, now the time for greatness is there, if you make a choice.We all are scared of future, but only thing we do not have is luxury of quitting, no matter how impossible you think not to choose.

End of one journey is always a beginning of another. Change is painful, and always comes with a cost. It hurts to bare those costs but we cannot allow that to sway us. Tomorrow is a mystery only thing we can do is to face it with resolve. We move forward always forward, and into what's next. We make a choice, we act on that choice, and all its left is to live in hope.

It's a fifty - fifty chance, perhaps then we get to watch it happen. You have to understand what you are about to do. There are no guarantees, there never are.

All of you out there, gotta ask yourself only one thing, are you ready?

Strangers

Strangers . . . !

We meet Strangers in every walk of our life, there goes no day in asphalt road of life you do not come across the one, and we get exposed to unlimited possibilities to meet the only one, Stranger. Strangers are the ones whom we do not know, they are totally novel persons with no clue of what they are capable of doing to you. Good or bad, the worst or the best. Not even a smidgen of idea of their abilities that can either rip you apart from your very own life mercilessly right in front of you without even feeling a tiny amount of guilt in their minds or they can make your life stronger and more beautiful. Some of those strangers have ability to gift you love. They can be your life saviors or your worst nightmares.

My story is not that different. I met a number of strangers in my walk of life, some of them are saints, angels, wingless angels on earth, messengers, helpers, massayas, God fathers. But . . . some of them are egomaniac, lust driven, brutally selfish, hypocritically insane, psychopaths who have done an unimaginable evil to me, to make my life hell and tried to disparage my name, and tried even harder to expunge me. Some of them were worse they wore disguised as friends, and gained my trust then without even a soupcon of humanity or compassion they stabbed me right behind my back, the worst part is they hurt me so bad just with their imagination and creativity. They created all sorts of weird stories and gossips and then spread it like a virus of plague.

Well, I do not find any fault in these strangers, they are simply psychopaths, sons of Lucifer, what else can we expect from the children of Lucifer, the father of Satan. It is my bad choice to befriend them, I was innocent, so innocent that I never believed their existence, did not even had a pinch of clue that evil exists in the human heart, I never even thought that a human heart is capable of committing so horrible and unforgivable crime towards their own friends, me, or say a girl who shown compassion to them, a girl who tried to see only good in them, a girl who tried to forgive the bad in them, a girl who choose to befriend them thinking they have to be given a chance to let their goodness come out of their heart.

But . . . instead of thanking me they hurt me, hurt me very hard and deep, they simply exploited me or say tried to exploit me, they used my name and my fears, they used me, my work and my talent. They are indeed devils. I got scared, I got frightened, and after all I am a girl, a weak, simple, and innocent, with no capability to hurt others, but endure their evilness. I discerned one thing the pain I had to go through did not go in vain. Not gone with wind. I learnt that evil exists in this our own world, disguised as good friends, or colleagues personified as humans, fellow mates who act each and every time you meet them daily as good, but indeed they are opposite. The most scaring part is they hurting merely with their words, their imagination and ability to create a story out of thin air, just like that without any kind of association and correlation to any of the facts. Their incapability to see things straight and their minds incapability to fathom the alibis are the reasons behind this kind of narration. Well, it is God’s gift that I was not that badly hurt. In deed God does not want an innocent girl to suffer. His ways of work are totally different.

I forgot one simple equation, If there wasn't evil in every single one out there you see they wouldn't be people; they would all be angels.

This is just an one side of my story. On the contrary I met some strangers who turned to be the messengers of God’s to help me survive, fight the war without any hesitation. This part of strangers are my angels, they are wingless angels who saved me from my problems. This is the best part of my life. These strangers are the God’s boon to me. Each and every time when I got into trouble, or was disabled to fight my life’s fight, I prayed to be rescued and even prayed to give me strength to bear the failure. God not only listened to my prayers but also he reacted to those, and He immediately sent people to rescue me. He gave unimaginable power to with stand the worse, and courage to fight back, He always squelch the fear in me. Sometimes He takes over the control from me, makes it right and gives it back to me.

After all this I would not have a single memory of what actually happened. I did that, no He did that for me. I am damn sure, He did those impossible things that I would never have done, not with my kid like mind. He makes it do with me, by making me meet Strangers, strangers who are sent to give me the emotional strength and schooling, teaching me life lessons with their words. Once they are done with their job, they leave and go towards their destination. I am still a baby. Learning to be a soldier in this battlefield called life. I wanna triumph this land of life with flying colors. Other wise I wanna die a hero death fighting it.

There are strangers who gave me beautiful memories to hold on. Some of them gave me the best thing in any one’s life love, selfless, innocent love, which used to startle me. I keep wondering what I have done to deserve their love. There are few strangers, who just loved me for what I am, they were scared in the starting but latter, they just loved me. There are ones who taught me how to survive, their role was just a hour in my life. Strange but that one hour always turned out to be my best learning, I never even thought that this one hour talk would turn into my only way to pass my exam. This one hour used to turn my life into most amazing garden of success. The best part is I never gave any stranger permission to talk, they themselves interfere into my work and say, you need to learn this. I used to open my mouth in startle, because, the previous day I was seeking God for the solution to my very existing predicament..

If it is not called as miracle, what is called? No reason, just like that I not only earned love but also sometimes hatred from these strangers. Nonetheleass I am still scared of strangers. I cannot avoid meeting them . . . no option to choose out. Or say not my choice to make.

. . . Strangers, they are ineffable, or hellacious or abominable or total incredible people, with a ability to either make you or break you.

This is my story; what's your story?

My Journey

I was a girl, just a girl in a colony with bunch of people, nothing special, nothing great, just an anonymous girl. My only identification was that I am a girl and nothing other than that. Well, during those days it did not even bother me, I was so happy and without any kind of fears, or any sort of ambitions, totally contented with my life, unaware of future struggle.  My daily activities used to be, going to school, reading, doing homework, and playing. So much of free time, used to literally waste my time. Cartoons were still my favourite pass time. I used to read many books, my favourite  place was library, because there were so many new books filled with totally new concepts, everything to anything used to fascinate me in those days. I was like a book worm. I did not know what is future, in fact I did not even know there is something called future. I was only familiar with present, no fears and no tears. I was not even sure why I need to go to school. But I always used to go to school. I was like almost a favourite student to my teachers. Always used to be first in participating in extra curriculum activities, wining first, second and third prizes accordingly for school in both intra and inter competitions. And the best part is I never used to feel proud in winning a prize, all it used to matter me was my participation. 

Those were days where I got neither a single responsibility nor sense of responsible, all I am supposed to do is study well, and get good marks. These were my schooling days . . . one day my school premeditated for an scientific excursion to CCMB, Center of Cellular and Molecular Biology. I was so thrilled to know that we are going to see a Research Center, this center is not usually opened for public. That day, it is opened for public because it was its anniversary. Honestly I was not knowing any place other than my home and my school. Therefore, this experience is totally novel and exciting. We all went to that center. And we were acquainted with what experiment were conducted for what purposes, well everything was so obscure and occult. For little minds like us it was too much to take into our brain. Out host was Dr. Susheel Chanda, he is so fair and tall, in his late 30’s and got unforgettable, extremely blunt obtuse nose. I noticed he is not from our city, it is apparent from his looks. Well he claims to be from Delhi. He is an interesting man. He is also very intelligent. Well, he had been explaining every experiment that had been conducting in that building, indubitably I had to presume he is shrewd. 

The few experiments that I savvied startled me, some of those even perplexed me. Well, I only assumed heat is the only thing that burns us, I never knew until that day, that even the icy pieces can burn us. Weird ha! It’s was not only scientific excursion but also a interesting day to me. I will tell you, why? He was sharing his experience about Delhi, he had a very bad opinion of Delhi, do not know the reason, but based on his words I discern that he is more lenient towards Hyderabad rather than Delhi. He confessed that streets of Delhi were so horribly filled with pollution and dust that they elicited tears. I tried to imagine what it is to be in Delhi, the words that he was pronouncing, disappeared, streets of Delhi appeared in front of me in a blur, well, abruptly it vanished into thin air due to the interruptions by my mind. I just knew, I will never go to Delhi. Innocent, however it is very true that I felt I will never grow and I will always be a mama’s darling baby, always being pampered. I could not even dare to imagine the Delhi in my mind. It perspicuously depicts my certitude about me being in city of pearls. No way I could digest the fact of leaving that place and going anywhere else. That day it was an impossible.

Present day, I am in Delhi. Impudently roaming in the streets of Delhi each day and every day. Daily I use DTC to commute and its roads. I walk every day in the streets of Delhi, memorizing each day this phrase, “never even anticipated that this would ever happen in my life, not even a smidgen of it before”. This is my journey from a innocent mama’s baby girl to a independent, strong, impudent girl. If you don’t call it a miracle, well, what do you call?

Dr. Susheel Chanda, never disappeared from my memories, I bet I might have forgotten few of them or say few of the moments but not him and his words. It is indeed astonishing to me. His words, still ringing In my ears, “Delhi is a place where there is lot of pollution”, “we cry when you go out in streets of Delhi”, “tears just pour out” besides my own thoughts, “me, ha, going to Delhi, baby you are not even permitted to think that way. ”. “It will never happen”, “impossible”, “next to impossible”, “you will never leave Hyderabad.” These words daily  ring in my mind when I am walking in the streets of Delhi.

Leader!

The one who borns from the ashes of blood and desperation to win is the Leader ! ! !

Risk is great. But so are the rewards. From here there is no turning back. You are the leader and you need to be ready . . .

Stay tunned to read more about it. Leader . ..  ! Thank you for your patience.