I had this complex about beauty, I thought
always that I am not beautiful. It was from my childhood. I don't
exactly remember when I developed this complex but it did grow in me and
stayed in me for a long time. I struggled a lot to remove it but I
couldn't. Beauty was something so important to me. I wanted to be very
beautiful. May be my dream of my prince coming and getting me caused
this low self esteem. May be Cinderella story got into my head and
touched my nerves making me feel bad about my appearance.
Born in a country where females are suppressed and condemned. May be that society and culture gave birth to those thoughts in me. I loved west from my childhood, the culture which gives a abyss of freedom to their females. The culture that treats females equal to the male counter parts. And no rules and restrictions on them, they are as free as the males. It attracted me. The restricts, the feeling of being protected and the rules and the stupid and ridiculous cultural bias towards females was the reason for the seed of that low self esteem in me.
All those years I was thinking I am no worth, and I am just a ugly looking female. In the month of August of 2011, I thought finally to fight this feeling. Then came up with a weird plan. That plan changed my life and my perspective towards life. It made me even more good and nice. A tolerant and down to earth female. I am better. A plan that was successful in creating a health me.
I don't have any more of it now. Its a complex that got it's wind in North. But the same people taken my complex. I have seen many females in North who are extremely beautiful and still don't know how beautiful they are and actually how important that beauty in reality.
I will be honest I used to stare North females with mouth wide open. There goes no day without complimenting those North females. I used to feel and think I am in a movie. All are barbie dolls, and I am a odd one out. I wanted to be like them very beautiful like dolls. And I have seen females who cry when I compliment them, the best part is they say, "Jayashree you are the first person who complimented us in our lives. Thank you, it means a lot." And strangely sometimes I am the first female who complimented them. Their husbands wouldn't find them sexually pleasing. I am like what the ass hole are you? You got such a beautiful wife and you are not even grateful for that?
Boy friends worst, they say, "We will never compliment our females they grow proudish." What the heck? "Make your female how special she is well that's how she will know you love her." No one understood my words back then. Well, that's not important. My point is that beauty was so much in abundance. And it's still so common. It lost it's worth in Delhi and NCR regions. Beauty is so common that no one cares about it. It's no more something special and very rare and valuable it's so common and sometimes people don't even consider about that property. Not any more.
One incident that changed my perspective is when I was in HCL, in the month of February 2012, I was working late night, it's 8:00pm and a female was sitting near cafe. She was waiting for her husband, a newly wed female. I could see her Mehendi in her hands and the red bangles in her hands. The fresh looks that she is newly married female, and the happiness of that newly married environment and life - I could see it in her eyes. She is simply waiting for her husband to pick her up.
I was touched by her, the way she sat and the new shame and new feelings I could see it in her face and body language. So went near her said, "Hey, you look newly married, I can guess it via your appearances. Trust me you are damn beautiful. Your husband is damn lucky. I am telling you form my heart. You are very beautiful take it as a compliment and trust me."
She cried instantly, "Thank you it means a lot to me. Thank you, it really made my day. I believe you. I really needed it. You don't know what it means to me."
What? You are white and beautiful as snow white and you need this compliment? I felt sadness in her, no one to appreciate her beauty. Come on she is beautiful. What's wrong with you North people can't even appreciate the beauty of a female you made her feel herself so bad all her life. She lost her confidence in her and she developed a complex of not worth. You think like me, but I am black colour why you? I have right to think like that my skin is darker than yours. I am brown. In India whites are loved more than blacks or browns. Indian like white skinned females. In India racism still exists. God knows when people here grow intelligent to accomplish a brown skin female also as beautiful. But she was white. She was white skinned female. You too feel so bad about yourself. I thought to myself.
"You are welcome."
I just hugged her and left to my desk. It changed my thinking my perspective. I understand now what that means in actual.
I have seen many females not one. Their husbands don't compliment them too, God knows why. They don't even know the value of a wife. They are idiots.
Males be more kinder in your words. Compliment your female from your heart, it goes to even husbands. So misery in terms of words. Why? It doesn't cost a paisa for your kind words. Come on.
Born in a country where females are suppressed and condemned. May be that society and culture gave birth to those thoughts in me. I loved west from my childhood, the culture which gives a abyss of freedom to their females. The culture that treats females equal to the male counter parts. And no rules and restrictions on them, they are as free as the males. It attracted me. The restricts, the feeling of being protected and the rules and the stupid and ridiculous cultural bias towards females was the reason for the seed of that low self esteem in me.
All those years I was thinking I am no worth, and I am just a ugly looking female. In the month of August of 2011, I thought finally to fight this feeling. Then came up with a weird plan. That plan changed my life and my perspective towards life. It made me even more good and nice. A tolerant and down to earth female. I am better. A plan that was successful in creating a health me.
I don't have any more of it now. Its a complex that got it's wind in North. But the same people taken my complex. I have seen many females in North who are extremely beautiful and still don't know how beautiful they are and actually how important that beauty in reality.
I will be honest I used to stare North females with mouth wide open. There goes no day without complimenting those North females. I used to feel and think I am in a movie. All are barbie dolls, and I am a odd one out. I wanted to be like them very beautiful like dolls. And I have seen females who cry when I compliment them, the best part is they say, "Jayashree you are the first person who complimented us in our lives. Thank you, it means a lot." And strangely sometimes I am the first female who complimented them. Their husbands wouldn't find them sexually pleasing. I am like what the ass hole are you? You got such a beautiful wife and you are not even grateful for that?
Boy friends worst, they say, "We will never compliment our females they grow proudish." What the heck? "Make your female how special she is well that's how she will know you love her." No one understood my words back then. Well, that's not important. My point is that beauty was so much in abundance. And it's still so common. It lost it's worth in Delhi and NCR regions. Beauty is so common that no one cares about it. It's no more something special and very rare and valuable it's so common and sometimes people don't even consider about that property. Not any more.
One incident that changed my perspective is when I was in HCL, in the month of February 2012, I was working late night, it's 8:00pm and a female was sitting near cafe. She was waiting for her husband, a newly wed female. I could see her Mehendi in her hands and the red bangles in her hands. The fresh looks that she is newly married female, and the happiness of that newly married environment and life - I could see it in her eyes. She is simply waiting for her husband to pick her up.
I was touched by her, the way she sat and the new shame and new feelings I could see it in her face and body language. So went near her said, "Hey, you look newly married, I can guess it via your appearances. Trust me you are damn beautiful. Your husband is damn lucky. I am telling you form my heart. You are very beautiful take it as a compliment and trust me."
She cried instantly, "Thank you it means a lot to me. Thank you, it really made my day. I believe you. I really needed it. You don't know what it means to me."
What? You are white and beautiful as snow white and you need this compliment? I felt sadness in her, no one to appreciate her beauty. Come on she is beautiful. What's wrong with you North people can't even appreciate the beauty of a female you made her feel herself so bad all her life. She lost her confidence in her and she developed a complex of not worth. You think like me, but I am black colour why you? I have right to think like that my skin is darker than yours. I am brown. In India whites are loved more than blacks or browns. Indian like white skinned females. In India racism still exists. God knows when people here grow intelligent to accomplish a brown skin female also as beautiful. But she was white. She was white skinned female. You too feel so bad about yourself. I thought to myself.
"You are welcome."
I just hugged her and left to my desk. It changed my thinking my perspective. I understand now what that means in actual.
I have seen many females not one. Their husbands don't compliment them too, God knows why. They don't even know the value of a wife. They are idiots.
Males be more kinder in your words. Compliment your female from your heart, it goes to even husbands. So misery in terms of words. Why? It doesn't cost a paisa for your kind words. Come on.
North females used to feel jealous of me. Me . . .
! That jealous took away my complex. I am not worried or concerned
about my beauty now. I don't have any low self esteem with respect to my
appearance. Not any more. I am confident and very sure that I am one of
the most beautiful female. No offense to any other females or males.
