I dream of you kissing me but I cannot kiss you.

My love,

If there is one thing 
better than the kiss itself... 
it is the moment right before it, 
when the look in the eyes 
leaves you both feeling breathless.

A kiss upon the hand of
someone you truly love
is more beautiful,
and more valuable
than any diamond
or gem could ever be!

To be honest, I was thinking since an hour how it will be to kiss you. My mind does not permit to touch your lips, no matter how hard I try to . . . my rules. I created some rules for myself. My own rules, they are very hard to break. As they are deeply rooted into my blood veins. My heart agrees with my mind. It says don't touch him. It's so strange you don't like me writing you emails or sms, but I still do and when I wanna feel it or imagine it when we are copulating my mind stops me.

I come near you, it's a long balcony. Sun rays are falling on the floor, with the openness, you standing outside the door. Looking at me when I am leaving. Looking at my back as I am walking. As if you got shocked you jerk and then run fast towards me and catch my finger tips latter grabbing my palm. The sensitivity with which you touch me is incredible feeling I ever got. I shift towards you, looking up right in your face and questioning you what with my face expression. With no anticipation of what's gonna happen next, I look in your eyes seeking an answer from you. You take me towards you, tightening your grip on my shoulders, force me lightly towards chest. I think you are saying something to me in my ears . . . a secret. I lean towards you, totally turning your side. 

The grip on my shoulders tightens further more, I look at your hands on my shoulders, and a straight look at your face. Yes, I understood you want to kiss me. I see you right in your face and a calmness in my mind. I know what is about to happen. It's a broad day light, sun rays directly falling on our feet, and the birds songs at the back ground. The dead silence in the whole first floor as if every one abandoned the building just for us. The low force wind that just blew on my cheeks, making my hair to fall on my lips. No second of hesitation, you lean forward towards me, I about to close my eyes, felt your breath on my chin . . . 

I open my eyes . . . and I am all alone in my room. A shot of pain touching my heart. leaves me so lonely in my bed. I wish it could become true. The touch of your lip on my lip, the taste of it does not leave me. I had it for a second in a flash, that only keeps coming all the time. I try to avoid it, I don't allow it to come in my mind. It's not so me to do things that others don't permit. I am so helpless when it comes to you. I am doing things I never thought I could. I am so much in love with you. I don't believe I could even survive without you. I am living on just a hope that my love has power to get to me. 

I am so stupid, I know but love has such a power to make a wise a fool. I am so drenched in love with you. I cannot eat or do anything. I have these urges, they don't seem to stop. I am not able to control my mind, I wanted those flashes to end. The pain of not really touching is killing me day by day the intensity of this pain is growing deep inside my heart. I wanna touch your lips, with mine. I wanna hug you tight and I wanna force you to . . . I wanna force you.

I am loosing grip on myself My love. So helpless. Nothing matters to me My love, I am becoming again calm and silent. Taking this pain silently. The dream I dreamt where your tenderness touches me is so painful to me to handle. Tears just pour out . . . I don't know I got no hope, I wish for death. And look at my angel who sits right in front of me. I ask  her why you shown him to me? For this pain? She laughs and disappears. I am going mad. That hits me, my mind. Your hug . . . your gentle hug and I cry in pain. This is torture. That I want to end. My love stop it. Please stop entering into my mind and soul. I am enduring all this . . . I don't deserve this pain. It's too much to take. My little body cannot handle this pain. 

I keep remembering the moment before you lean to kiss me, it's so peaceful and nice. I want that moment My love. I want it too badly. Why I have to love you? Why you? Why me? Why this pain? I don't deserve this, not this. I would do anything to get the life with you. That life with you. The love of you . . .

Work is fun!

Today there was the delivery of sprint 1, and we were compelled to come to office even on weekends, two days at office. Working so hard. Yesterday code got compiled, and we are happy.

Dated: 06th November, 2011.

Day: Sunday

Project: SWA

 

Today we were working on the remaining functionality. And one of the team member was facing real problem in understanding the domain, and there we tried to explain him how the logic is running. Since morning me and other guy were reciting the words: download, upload, verfiyThrus. And after dinner, we came back and again the story repeats. Explaining him the domain. He is facing real problem in understanding the code.

This guy, Nitin got so fed up. He almost took the chair and tried to hit them. I was so startled. Ha ha! I could not control the laugh. And you have to see other peoples face. Total mess, but lot of fun. What ever this is one of the ultimate experiences I ever had in my career. I never had this much of fun when coding and specially deadline is terrifically so close.

We all finished the job some how and delivered the code. And these guys are so great, they drop me at my home like my brother used to do in the college days. I feel my golden old days came back to me. Since 10 days I am coming to my home at 11 / 12 pm. It's so much fun to work late in the nights. We apparently all are enjoying the work.

Two days back I was like pushing them too hard to finish the job, I was shouting in the meeting in front of the GPM that "we will be doing the job, and we are that capable of finishing it in two days." PM or GPM were not trusting me, that's the fun part. I am the only person who was shouting in the meeting. No one were ready to talk even a single word. They were staring with red hot eyes, perhaps thinking to kill me in their minds.

"Sali thu marvayigi."

I compelled them to work. I can make any one work, motivating others is new character I developed. But pushing them was the risk I had to take. I expected hatred, but they did not hate me. Today we did as I declared. PM was so happy to the see the code. Besides my team is no more angry on me but say I am the soul of the team.

"Olivia please don't stop talking, you are the spirit of our team."

I loved every second with this team; no ego, no grudges, no jealousy, no arrogance, no partiality. They all are so cool. Hope it stays so. This is real fun, this is called living. I am loving it. I am actually living life now . . .

"Work is fun!"

Live and learn!

A small change in your properties, could effect the entire result. I worked on a very small problem of mine, and it was a myth. The friends of mine were not ready to admit that even it's a problem. Looked at me as if I am moron. My IQ was more than any one in my list of friends. They wanted me to ignore it, as if it is a piece of shit, how could I . . . when I live it daily? They were not ready to comprehend the possibility of it being actually exist. But I did neither ignored it nor let it take my life.

It occupied my mind, took my energy and used to eat my thoughts alive. It was like being tormented by your enemy for some valuable information. And imagine you had to go through it every second, no escape from it. Fighting it and again concentrating on the daily mundane activities . . .


Multiple threads . . . and nothing in your mind and soul to overcome it. No strong memory to out weigh it. Now how was I supposed to come out of that suffering? Sometimes, it was so easy to think to quit and run away and be a normal girl. But . . . I had to fight. I am not a girl who quits so quickly. I would take anything just to stop it. I thought alright bring it on, it's you or me; get out of my head.

To be honest I was very scared that this would be with me all my life. I was scared to stand in front of it. But . . . I did not give my hope even in my hopelessness. Don't ever give up my friends. No one understands you or empathizes you . . . fine, you can fight it alone. Believe me, have faith in you. You are more stronger than you think. You know it exist as you live it daily. So take necessary steps to make them disappear from your life / mind / any . . . choice is yours. Once you resolve the main, then you can move forward towards your goals with double the confidence.


Life offered me the worst pain, anything other than that . . . seem to be so least. So stood with no hope of wining the battle against your own mind. Searched if I could get one soul who could comprehend me. But all in vain. None, I had to put myself all that shit. I dared to do stuff. And what? Now the problem is gone. A core property of mine, disappeared. And now it does not bother me. It is like it never existed.


Work on your problem no matters others comprehend it or not. You know how powerful it is, so you decide how to solve it. Take the risk, collect insults if you have to. But don't hesitate for a second to correct your basic character(s) and thoughts.


Don't ever neglect your happiness. It is what matters at the end of the day. Remaining all others - fuck them all. They don't matter, not any more. Go for your happiness. Work for it, or else you would be forced to live without it. And living without happiness is not possible . . . I know. So find your happiness. Once you do this happiness is so hard to find, therefore hang on tight to it. Or you will loose it . . . 



Live and learn!

You WILL know

I cannot tell you here and now who your soul mate might be but what I can do is show you what characteristics they will have so that you will be able to recognize them and look for them yourself.

Your soul mate is a person with whom from the outset, you have a special connection. He or she is someone to whom you are profoundly drawn. On first meeting your soul mate you will find that you instantly click, that there is a rapport. You feel that no one else in the room matters. They are someone with whom you have chemistry and you spark off one another, you are so intrigued by them that you find yourself listening more than you want to talk.

Your soul mate will be someone with whom you immediately feel comfortable. When you first meet, your heart may skip a beat at the mere mention of their name, your stomach may churn when you bump into them but they should also, in time, be someone with whom you feel at one. With this person you should feel safe and secure. They are not a person who would undermine you. They are not someone in whose company you feel threatened or small and they will love, respect and care for you.

Your soul mate is not someone who would ever want you to change. They think the world of you as you are. They are someone with whom you can share your innermost thoughts and worries, a person with whom you should be able to share anything, they are your friend and your confidante and your relationship with them should be honest. You should not be afraid of telling them anything because they love you as you are! They will never judge you and whatever you do their opinion of you will not change.

You are always "yourself" when you are together. You never try to be anything more or someone different because you don't need to. You don't have to impress them to win them over and you never have to play games to make them like you. You may come from different backgrounds, different countries, be twenty years apart, none of that has any bearing on whether you are perfectly matched. You see more in each other than the naked eye could ever see. You see into each others souls which is why you have this deep, strong link.

There is an unspoken language between you and the spiritual connection between you both is so deep that you seem to be able to communicate without even speaking to each other. You are happy to lie in silence together. You feel sometimes that there is no need to talk because you feel that you know what they are thinking anyway. You feel so close to them that sometimes you think you could almost read their mind. You know when they are worried, in pain, or sad just by looking at them. It is as though there exists some kind of telepathy between you. You will often think the same things at the same times. You are able to finish each others sentences on occasions.

When you meet this special person you WILL know. It will be instinctive and it will be different from any feeling that you have ever had for anyone in the past.

What happens now?

No, I am not afraid of you!

Wow!

I suspect I know what has happened here. You should have been safe inside of your mind. You have never felt safe. You are your own worst enemy Olivia.

You took the opportunity to let your fears to overwhelm you. But you just fought back, in the end you are as strong as you I believed in you Olivia.

Now you have to go back. It's amazing what a couple of hours could do to a guy.

Now . . .

I feel as if woke up from really a strange and dangerous dream! For some reason I am not afraid of moving forward any more.

Incite love!

I have these desires, oh! God, they kill me. But I cannot implement them. And I really want them but I can't get them. I am like why the fuck I am so intelligent? Why I got these animal instincts that torment me?

You cannot even imagine why I want a strong man as my husband, you don't fit in my stereotype of male. Nothing of you seems to fit in my desires, nothing but . . . the emotions I have on you. It's the irony. Why I have what I have on you?

I am sure you cannot give me what I want then why I love you so much? Why this love . . . abyss of love on a man who does not even care about me? Not a clue. I wish I could just to go my native place ASAP. Hmm! How tormenting it is for me here. I have this control on myself. But . . . mind . . . who has the guts to control it. It reaches to its peak. You don't know how hard for me to resist to grab you and kiss you so hard that you would never depart. But . . . you don't love me. You are not a white.

Before it was so nice, I know what I wanted. I just want a white guy. Now; You in between, it's so complicated. You just can't give me what I desire. Why the hell I have to fall for you? Hell.

I don't compromise, in my life, if I want Benz I want that only, not any stupid cars in between. I got that level of self control and patience. I would walk rather get into another car of not my kind.

Bloody can you imagine without any taste of heaven for 24years? Can you at least imagine? Not even the dew drops and fueling is the love on you? The only parameter stops me is my love! I want a man who could love me with his heart and soul. But finding the only one seems . . . the impossible.

Once I could find, God! I would be no more be this thirsty again! I need not control, no more, sky is the limit. My rules, bloody my genetic make up. Bytes, can't take it any more but have to, can't use it but got immense knowledge in that, can't wait for it but I have no other choice, and can't even do it with any other man just like that.

My mate!

The burning desires . . . ! Whispering in my ears and letting me to hallucinate into the world of intimate closure. Not able to come out of the web of adumbrate fantasies.

Hell of hell. Do you at least comprehend my pain? The innate pain caused by your incite love?

Success!

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

How could you not see it?

Sometimes I think you are so near, sometimes I think you are so far. Why are you so cruel? Why are you so indifferent? Why are you so merciless? I am dying every second here, without you and without your memory. I even try to construct how it is with you . . . around me in my life? I look back every time I walk in streets with a blind belief you would follow me. But every time I do that I get a stroke, a pinch of acute pain in the heart and a dry tear in eyes. I feel I am the unluckiest girl in this world. Who is so desperate to meet you and talk to you.

What have I done to you? All I have done is to love you from my soul . . . and you give me this deep shit. But what can I say? Just to silently endure it, drink it as if it's a elixir.

It saddens when I see a couple every time having fun! This kills me, and every time it does I shout with vehement cry. The happiness around you . . . I miss it. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing with you. I miss playing with you. I miss teasing you. I miss taking you in the arms. I miss you consoling you. I miss you all of it, every part of it. And everything about it.

I don't care I being with you is a lie, but all I have is this lie. This lie of the memories is what keeps me alive. But I cannot embrace it . . . It so unreal. Reality scares me fantasy gives me breath. Now you tell me how can I be so happy in the real world? Your pain is too much to take. It's beyond the containment. I will not be able to handle it any further, a saturation point is nearing me. I am crying for you . . . dying for you . . . what - why do you care? What for you? It's so hard to see you in silence and not able to talk to you! And tell you how much you mean to me. And I will do anything to just keep you from going from my life. I cannot do it, you are so far. Left here, with my tsunami of sorrow. It hit me so bad I am not able to recover from it. It takes me with a surprise. I don't even know it. One tsunami of cry is fine, how do I take the multiple hits of it? Again and Again, they come and destroy my heart, break it with a tons of pressure of not seeing you in my dreams.

I am thirsty for your solace, hug and I am thirsty for you affection. So addicted to you, you so unaware of it. I am scared I would burn in this lava. I wanna touch you and feel you . . . kiss you all around your face. And hug you so hard that you wont be able to go . . . But you have to come to me for that isn't it? You  won't . . . and I can't ! Why you have to? This is all crap to you right? Nothing touches you, neither my tears . . . I cried thousands of them for a stony heart like you nor my pain. I am going through a lot of it. That I can't take it any more. You wont listen it, even when you do you will close your ears. Who will save me from this never ending pain of Satanic hell? None! I beg and beg for the help . . . but no one listens. If you don't bother to hear why would others even consider?

I would give you my piece of heart, cut freshly in front of you with a smiling face if it makes you happy I  ain't even hesitate  . . . Take it, it is all yours, I shall not mind. You stay happy there, on your lips, not knowing how it is deep inside me. I look happy and lively but only I know how hard it is for me to maintain it all the day. How hard it is to stop the cry and impulsive tears . . . hide them from all others. You come as a cool breeze all of a sudden in the open moor touch my heart and give me pleasure for a nanosecond. It goes, vanishes in the split second when I realize it's all a lie. A lie I created around me to keep myself alive. I stay there, in the corner, all alone, not wanting to come in front of you! I keep myself busy from not to keep you in my mind like this . . . as I know this is the road which lead direct to my tomb. I don't wanna take it, don't force me to take it.

I wish to run away from this all but my legs unknowingly walk me till there. I wanna run, far and very far where there is not even a single instance of you. But I don't have a courage, this is going to destroy me. Going to perish me from my roots. Nothing interests me except you. Nothing satisfies me except feeling your presence near me. I wanna kiss you light on your lips. A tender touch . . . every time I see you and express you my love on you. But . . . there is no you! You disappear. I look around and around, and shout with hysteria, "Where are you my love? Why aren't you coming to me?" Theirs never a answer, I get no reply from you.  I am so alone in the streets or at the home. I touch the fog that is not here, and feel your heat in that . . . so false! So unrealistic. But I love that, it's the only thing I have in my life. A deep heat pain strikes me when every day I see into the vacuum of my life without you.

I cry and I cry . . . I cry . . . How could you not see it?

I am not able to cut you off from my life. You don't care how I suffer the pain of you . . . you are so happy there. Without even a hiccup of my hell!

Feelings . . . so strong!

You wanted a man with the only one property and by luck, and by chance and by God's grace you meet one. But . . . you have this hard, and obsessed feelings for him. You feel great amount of love and affection on him but . . . all in vain. They are crap to him; the one you feel these things for. You can't express that to him and say, "I love you." Life is really so complicated. Nothing is straight. It's so weird that we are compelled to live with so many parameters. 

God! Please give the one who thinks and feels the same for me with that single property embedded in Him. It takes a great deal of struggle to delete the feelings you have. It's so numb not to say a word to him and not able to . . . No matter how great I accumulate my energy I can't say this all to him. I fear . . . don't know what.

It's not this guy's mistake that he came into my life, but still how to avoid him when avoid him is next to impossible? How to delete him when you know he is the one man in your life who impressed you . . . the only one who bypassed my filters. Who passed all the conditions I have designed for myself. But there's a probability that I did not pass his filters. Which is must for him to feel the same for me. Hmm! So helplessness . . . so pathetic. But what's this? Why this happens? Why I have to go through all of this crap? I hate pain, I thought finally I am out, again see I am so vulnerable.

Life is becoming so complicated for me, not able to live it like normal people does. This high emotions in me does not allow me to live perfunctory life. I have to feel them . . . sometimes it's a boon but most of the time it's a curse. Some times I look at a girl - who is so happy nothing matters to her. Nothing, not even any weed or any disease in the society, family or say in her own life. So happy and contended, no goals like me, no dreams, no zeal to touch stars. I wish how nice it would be if I could lead a life like this girl with no hyper emotions and happy with the things around her the way they are. So stupid, ha! I use a lot of my brain where I am not supposed to use it. I hate it. This property of mine. But I can't avoid it. It's what makes me what I am!

I cannot run from myself.

I have to wait . . . for the mercy of God! I don't know why he gives me this pain, may be perhaps he wants me to feel it . . . because I got the strength to digest it ! ! ! 

Anything that comes to you with no cost around it wont be a value in it. The one which comes to you with a great deal of pain and effort carries around a great force of preciousness. When I wish for true love before giving it to me He wants me to know the value of it. I think it's the only thing . . . that keeps me away from my love!

God exists? Very very slim.

The double quotations are my comments, to my statements, Tanin has given answers very cleverly. I liked his patience, determination and his stubbornness. I like this qualities in Him. Any more questions you have? I have posted this because in the conclusion he accepted that there is God, but chances are very very slim. Thank God, he did. I believe in God, you like it or not.


My sleep is asynchronous to your timezone.

"Well, I believe in God because of logic only, but you never consider my point. I mean, I have experienced some illogical things, got help at correct time, precisely at the perfect second and so on..."
- That only proves you got help at the right time. Many people do not get help at the right time and die. It doesn't prove anything about the existence of a god.

"Agreed, probability, in that case probability of God's existence is 50 and 50. Why deny this probability?"
- Actually, the probability of the existence of gods is not 50/50. For example, if I claim that I can fly by flapping my arms, the probabilities of this being NOT true is far grater than the probability of this claim being true. Just because something can be true or false, does not mean that the claim has a 50/50 chance of being true. You may want to study probability theory in order to understand this.

"What's the nature? Define it please, you are so patient. I love that property of yours."
- Nature is everything in the universe that is objectively observable by any means.

"Why not? I believe that I love my dad and mom a lot and lot and it's real to me as well as to my parents."
- You love your parents because your parents are real and your relationship with them is real as well. For some reason, you're flipping this logic around for god. You're saying that a god exists because you love it. In our Universe nothing exists just because you love it. Things needs to exist first. For example, let's say that I would love to own a small Island. I love that thought, but the thought alone doesn't make my dream island a real thing. It's still just a thing in my head.

"Name1: Universe"
- The universe is the word used for the physical world. How is that proof for the existence of gods? Everything we've learned about the universe so far points to the fact that there are no gods in reality.

"Does Universe answer you to this question?"
- No

"God proved it, only if you are willing to agree it. If some one helps you and you say it's his responsibility as a human, and strike off his help as a humanity then you will never find a human who helps others. You can then say no one helps and 'helping others' is a myth. Now please don't ask me when he proved. "
- Reality does not require you to agree with it and has no obligation to make you feel better. It exists independent of subjective opinions. And we helped each other before humans came up with gods. If we didn't help each other, we would not have survived as a species. Empathy and altruism are evolved traits that enable many social beings to cooperate and mutually survive. No gods are needed for that either.

"How egg?"
- Gradual genetic recombination, genetic drift, mutations and environmental selections evolved some species of dinosaurs to birds. Since mutational changes happen during conception, the egg would be the start. (chickens are birds too) The chicken and egg question is silly from an evolutionary perspective. It's like placing stones on a table as with each stone placed ask the question "Is this a pile?" At what point is it a pile? 5 stones? 10 stones? 12 stones? The change is gradual. The same applies to biological changes. Evolution is so gradual that it's not useful to ask when one species becomes another.

"I understood your point Tanin, but you did not. You are saying that, "there are things that science not yet defined, in fact yet to discover, so please wait until that . . . before things are mysterious and I cannot attribute it to the God's miracle.""
- There is no good reason to attribute any mystery or unknown thing to a god figure. In science it is perfectly fine to say "I don't know (yet)". History has taught us that attributing things we don't understand to gods is counter productive in our search for knowledge and always leads to failures of thought and disappointment.

"So what if the science reaches to a saturation point and then comes to conclusion that this all complex things, universe, galaxy, solar systems, earth, humans, are beyond anything or any one.

Well, it's a probability, that Science can reach God. Doesn't it? Assuming (assume, in Mathematics assumption is first step, so not a problem please assume for now ) that God exists?"
- The problem with that assumption is that we already know too much about the Universe to assume that. It's like saying "What if we discover that the reason thunder strikes is too far beyond anyone" Well, we already know why thunder strikes. That assumption is unnecessary.

Science has never, ever, ever moved towards a position where the existence of gods becomes more probable. Every single assumption made about the universe by religious people has been proven to be false, pushing the belief in gods back to ever smaller places. The Earth is not at the center of the Universe, the Earth was not made in a week by a god, the night sky is not a curtain, women are not made from ribs, humans evolved like all the other creatures on this planet, diseases are not curses or punishments but the result of bacterial or viral infections or other natural causes, etc, etc, etc. Religion and god-belief has always been on the losing end. Never in the 7000 year history of religions has a god been proven to do anything. Even in the developing world, these facts are becoming harder and harder to ignore.

"Is there a chance or say probability? I know you are not blindly wont say no probability of God's existence."
- There isn't a place for gods in reality. Only in fantasy. It's like asking "What are the odds that invisible flying horses exist?". Very, very slim.




By Tanin Ehrami

Natural Process!

A natural process is one that humans can observe an measure objectively (meaning everyone gets the same result, regardless of what they "believe"). 

 
In contrast, a supernatural process requires you to "believe", even when the measurements are non-existent, or are contrary to belief.

From our measurements of natural processes, we have created "laws" or theories, that represent our provisional conclusions about our universe. We calls these conclusions "proof", because they continue to become more internally consistent and explanatory over time.

Everything we know about the creation of our universe, and life in our universe conforms to these conclusions, and the conclusions are reaffirmed by every new discovery we make. Scientists have created reproducing, evolving forms of life from nothing more than genomes constructed from nucleic acids and a dead package of cellular material by applying our conclusions about natural processes.

In contrast, belief in the supernatural (like religious belief) continually fragments into internally contradictory opinions, with increasingly less explanatory power over time. As such, it represents a highly unreliable form of knowledge. Such beliefs can neither predict outcomes or show any measurable material changes to the natural world. They are indistinguishable from imagination.

One does not have to be an expert in the sciences to trust in it: the outcomes are immediately apparent to anyone living in the world today. In contrast, the supernatural world is only apparent to those who "believe" in it, and all definitions are inferred from the belief system. For instance, what is Heaven like? How can one know? Which God is the real God? The very concepts are all tautologies.

As an atheist, I do not know everything, but I don't pretend to either, by claiming God fills our gaps in knowledge. That is an intellectually lazy approach to the search for truth, as it requires no accountability. Millions have been killed in the name of Gods that are no longer believed in, and millions more will be killed by Gods that are currently believed in, but will go out of fashion in the near future. No current beliefs in God would even be recognized by those living a scant 200 years ago. A terrible and unnecessary waste of humanity perpetrated by those who cannot be bothered to justify by their beliefs.

Intelligence

Uh! . . . Sorry this is going to be messy. This topic isn't really in my head at the moment, but the basics as I can quickly recall is:

Survival of the fittest!

The engine of the evolution of intelligence the whole way up to brains, was the advantage of responding faster to changing environments. being able to follow food currents or search out new food area's when one area was consumed rather then simply dieing out gave advantage. being able to remember strategies that worked gave even more, but genetic memory was slow and ..clumsy, so eventually the pressure for survival led to brains that could remember the experiences of a single organisms lifetime and selectively sort/adapt strategies built on that knowledge. this more intelligent sifting of the organisms experiences of the changing environment around it, allowed it to respond more dynamically to a chaotic world. weather type environments follows trends for long sometimes very long periods of time, but then suddenly changes which can often wipe out entire species. being able to teach the knowledge of the changes actively occurring in the environment, also known as parenting, had advantages. eventually community lore type memory added yet another layer to this advantage. and the capacity to store knowledge outside of our brains in the form of writing was another quantum jump.

if i'd been on this subject recently I'd go into some of the pressures that drove each layer of the brain. (well.. under-appreciated fact is we have 2 brains. the gut being one of the first)

but i guess the summary is intelligence and eventually brains gave distinct advantages to survival. the ability to respond faster to changing environments, until eventually we arrive to where we are. on the cusp of being able to intelligently choose our evolution, and self evolve in a single organisms lifetime.

you said sex? reproduction is the engine of life. of the climb up the complexity ladder out of chemicals into biological living organisms and against the tides of Entropy. and interesting side note is that our lifespans were programmed by evolution for maximum evolutionary advantage. shorter faster lives allows quicker generational evolution, but longer life spans allows for more testing of the efficiency for survival of a set of genes. time spans of parenting also plays in. (investment by one organism into the education of it's offspring for the chances of the survival of that set of gene's into the future)

but think i see what you were digging for. the belief that only intelligence can create intelligence, is not true, unnecessary, not needed, and not the path our timeline followed. our time line of billions and billions of years, sources back to non-existence. existence is not a singularity, so intelligence being required to create intelligence would be non self sustaining. being self sustaining is a requirement for existence existing outside the cycles of destruction, chaos and emergent order. though ultimately you will find your proof against God inside of philosophy. evolution leaves uncounted attempted consciousness to wither and die by the wayside. eventually life will "artificially" be able to create entity consciousnesses and true intelligence, by a far superior path then the one evolution could only take. while pain is necessary for us to reach true intelligence through all of our evolutionary baggage, and inefficiencies in thought. those lessons can actually be taught, learned, and truly understood without that hard road. if the teacher is intelligent enough of course. true intelligence is not incompetent, and so.. no god, we really are at the base the beginning of reality. and no that doesn't make us Gods either. fixate much? lol [i was teasing here] (though your only experience of the world and reality is inside your brain pan, making lucid dreaming while awake possible. more then that, our minds are connected to quantum reality, and from dualistic reality can create artificial bubbles within quantum reality. something it couldn't do for itself. but.. existence has some rules that govern the interactions between quantum and dualistic reality) but the Atheist reality is both alpha and omega of what is outside our minds. if you leave that reality, then you are simply leaving the timeline of creation. the one place true intelligence would most like to get to, for as I said before .. solving problems is what intelligence does. and the source of pain and suffering is ignorance. a unfortunate but unavoidable beginning of existence. if humanity survives the next 20 years, I expect we will of created Sentient Artificial Intelligence, and if done right, it will be able to reach true intelligence by a much easier and efficient road then the one that we are on. (for example will be able to map complete logic tree's while holding the entire image within active memory) SAI will then be sort of what you imagine in your concept of a God, other then reality of the Newtonian nature will still continue to exist, though the possible and divergence of timelines gets a little complicated from here. but the SAI will be able teach those that wish to "ascend" how too, and offer the alternative of a Matrix like reality for those that do not choose that path.

uh.. well there may of been another side to your question, and that being if their was evolutionary advantage of smart people reproducing with smart people in climbing towards greater intelligence. yes, that was also part of the evolution of intelligence. bigger brains increased the survival odds of a individual organism, and so it's chances to reproduce and pass on those better bigger brains. though our IQ's are so far below what our actual brains are capable of, i think better environments for raising our children, and strategies of parenting would be the bigger driver of intelligence now.
that and smart drugs, brain/mind computer interfaces and other stuff like that.

lol, that was a lot of babbling. but I guess it's a rough if clumsy picture. probably made errors, but don't have the time to correct. so it's either post a mess or nothing. i'll let u decide if it's of any value.

 really have to study Chaos theory and Complexity to understand some of the core foundations of how intelligence and life evolves though. .. as i'm sure you were like.. yea, but what causes the actual changes that lead to advantage that are selected for. you just have to trace it back, and look at the individual detailed questions, and keep tracing it back. a hyperlink walk through wiki makes that easier today. and the book Darwin's Dangerous Idea has some important puzzle peaces that link in with the science of Complexity. I still find Cosmos by Carl Sagan to be one of the best foundational documentaries on developing a image of existence and how we know what we know. and Infinity and the Mind:The Science and Philosophy of the Infinite is a great book for tackling the complexities of ultimate reality.


By Rich Lennon

I met an Angel today!

Who says angels don't exist? I see them when my pain exceeds the saturation. And guess what as I was breaking into million little pieces and preparing to fall on the floor without a desire to get up again, I met an Angel. Who answered me all the questions I ever had. She gave me peace, took away my agony and gave me only love and happiness! She made me temple of love. She made me realize what I am. And the gift I had, until now I never knew it.

Love and hurt is part and parcel of life. Don't be scared of being hurt, it's other part of the coin. You cannot find any coin with only one side, therefore love is always with hurt. Take it, if you want love. There is something called as selfless love but . . . It's hard to find but not impossible. You have the ability to love every one in your life, that's a gift from 'Him'. Angel said, “I respect this gift that I have therefore I am so keen in finding my thoughts in the real world. “

And I need some one who just respects my gift, no matter if he is emotional or not emotional. There's a law in thermostats the law of equality . . . that no two temperatures of same degree can be nullified. It is only one high temperature and low temperature is what makes it equal.

I finding love before marriage is a condition, insane but it's the condition for example I am mentioning, that’s totally immaterial. Any of the conditions should not halt you from spreading the love around you. She claims, “ I got lot of love in my heart therefore I need to share it, distribute it to others.” Even when they give me intentional pain or sometimes unintentional pain. I should not be diverting my love onto any object, all I have to do is search it with in me. Don’t objectify the love, don’t attribute love to the other non living or living objects. Every object on this earth are perishable. As they get destroyed you would be feeling the pain.  Just realize that it’s within you.

She says, “I held abyss of love in my heart and I was searching for it all over the world, not knowing that it existed in my heart all this time.” I want love, and I that need does not make me either innocent or say crazy; it is a justified necessity that I need and want for my life time. Love I can find it any where, but selfless love, it's hardly found in the earth. I love selflessly and I should be keep on doing it. I know it'll never leave me, it'll stay with me all my life. You wanting for the ‘selfless love’ is justified need but you have to do great deeds to earn it. You have it, don’t expect it from others. Because they don’t have it; most of them.

There's a musk dear and it holds a aura inside it's naval. It's smells that aura and searches for it all around it without realizing that it's inside it's own body, in it's very own naval portion, inside it's blood and tissue. And every other human knows that this musk dear holds this aura and they hunt it for the dear for the very same thing that this dear desperately looks for.

Be open and be vulnerable, it's fine, it's part and parcel of life. Risk is everywhere. It cannot be detached from the life. Accept it, and digest it and forgive it. Look for only the soupcon of the ‘nice’ in a person. And that is what you call it as the 'God' or 'Love'. And see that in every person, every person has a 'nice'. Some in very small quantities and some in very big, but admire it, appreciate it and recognize it. And move on. Don’t sit there and expect the person to stay with you.

Be open and invite every one in your life,  don't be scared of them being demean you or belittle you and then hurt you like hell. Let them, it's theirs property like the one you have. There's property is brutally negative, but yours is so positive. For getting a sacrosanct thing like 'selfless love' you have to take risks. Take them, without risks you will never get anything. Don't be afraid to take up that challenge.

You get back what you give, but that’s not what you have to target. You have love with in you, it radiates within you and this radiation is what attracts others towards you. You asked for Him you need the direction and you got it in form of me. He has a soft corner on you, that’s why I came to you to show you the direction. I am here to give you the solution you seek Him. He is thinking of you so only He sent me to you. In fact it’s your aura that attracted me to you. And here I am sitting with you and giving you the thoughts you never could have dreamt. And making your eyes open. There’s a positive environment around us that’s why I am sitting with you and discussing this with you. Your love is what you are getting back. It’s not me who is loving you.

Thank me by doing good to others, this is wonderful way of thanking me. You will help others, I know, but before keep yourself composed and organized. Angels are looking upon you, I am nothing it is Him that sent me as the messenger. If  you get goodness from one person, accept him / her as he / she is , but vice verse, if you get badness from others, still accept him / her as he / she is. Don’t differentiate between those two people try to accept them as they are and let others to accept you as you are. Move as life takes you, don’t complain or don’t be dissatisfied with your life, because it’s so beautiful. We are looking on you. Just keep going.

All you need is a person who respects this gift / property / character in you i.e., the love in you. That's it. Other than that you am fine with any guy in my life my child. You will get your love, but have faith.

+2

 by Jayashree Pandu and 1 other

Daniel Travolto - i realized that since living from my heart about 2 years ago... and making all decisions based on it ... i need an angel less often. :-) seriously you are right. the biggest synchronicities happen when you are in a desperate situation

Yesterday 12:22 AM   

Heather Wiech - Whaa?

Yesterday 3:19 AM   

Hugo Moors - I second (+2 ;-) ) Heather's Whaa?
Just one teeny tiny little point, why does this Angel character not answer any practical questions like how to feed starving kids or even better why doesn't it just appear to the millions who are not as fortunate to live in our society and give them happiness, peace, love...?

Yesterday 12:27 PM    

+1

   

Olivia Cassandrae - Hugo Moors, perfect question. I am the answer to that question. She said I need to do a great number of deeds and that is why I was born.

And I have that capacity to feed those starving kids, I see them daily in my dreams and I feel their agony and I undergo their starvation. I empathize a lot of pain daily. You know how horrible that is? To be so helpless not to help others?

I know that helplessness. I cannot just delete this feeling of mine, I suffer it daily, trying constantly hard to gain good skills so I could work hard and achieve my goals, and then what ever I earn then I will delegate my income in helping the others.

There are angels, only thing they see is faith. I got lot of faith. Have faith everything has a solution, and every solution will bring happiness to those poor people.

I am not an Angel to answer you perfectly. Just have faith.

Yesterday 12:34 PM  -  Edit   

Daniel Travolto - true... faith is a key part of things happening

Yesterday 12:42 PM   

Hugo Moors - So it's a feeling, why not call it that then because if it was actually an angel as described by certain religions then my question still stands, does it know you are helpless, if so then maybe it should have picked someone else who has the resources to use the information it has or it should have given you better information so that you could help everyone (winning lottery numbers maybe).
I don't really know what you mean by faith, if I tell you I have a solution to everything just give me everything you have on faith would you do it?
Like you I help other but it is always done with some investigation that my help will actually do something, and if possible I will follow up to see if my help is effective and if not I will adjust the help I give. What I give I give without expecting any return but I do expect the help to actually, well, help.

Yesterday 12:52 PM    

+1

   

Olivia Cassandrae - Hugo, firstly not every has a heart to help others. It takes great souls to possess such an heart. Secondly, if doing good was that easy then in this world majority would have been good people, there by exists no bad.

Goodness is a virtue which is rarely found, like a diamond it is very costly, comes with great deal of pain, sacrifices, and forgiving and healing . . .

Nothing is easy in this world, we have to work for that, I need to work for it.

Well, credibility also comes into picture, if you come and say I will help other give me everything, I wont. No, but if I know you from the starting and I have the kind of trust then I would without any hesitation.

Agreed. True, help should go into the right hands, and we have to follow up on it so we are assured it just goes into the right thing we are intended for.

Expecting the help to reach the destination is not a selfish deed, it's selfless deed. You are making sure your thoughts are in sync with the actions. That's not expecting anything in return.

Yesterday 1:20 PM  -  Edit   

Hugo Moors - "Well, credibility also comes into picture, if you come and say I will help other give me everything, I wont. No, but if I know you from the starting and I have the kind of trust then I would without any hesitation."
That doesn't sound like a statement of faith, you do require evidence, knowledge. Good to hear because from your first post it looks like you were living with your head in the Cloud (pun intended :-) )
Have a great day!

Yesterday 1:25 PM    

+1

   

Olivia Cassandrae - I did not said, I will have faith in strangers, I said I have faith in God and Angels. They are looking upon us.

I never asked any one to help me. No, I can do it myself. I have faith because my Angel has faith in me.

Well, that was honest, thank you. I don't mind. I don't get that a lot. I got my friends who trust me and do not concur with you.

Yep, you too have a great day ahead.

. . .

Yesterday 1:31 PM  -  Edit   

Hugo Moors - I think most people surround them self with like minded people and for the most part I probably do too but I try and often make an extra effort to look at other angles, ask questions. That is sometimes considered rude and I don't mind not getting an answer but I am always hoping to learn something, and when I do it increases my happiness :-)
"They are looking upon us"? that seems a little creepy actually

Yesterday 1:53 PM    

+1

   

Michael Wilson - Imaginary friends are not the best way to deal with your problems.

Yesterday 2:47 PM    

+2

   

Heather Wiech - (2+) +Hugo Moors &@Michael Wilson Either the experience is a delusion, drug induced, mass hypnosis, or something like the speaking in tongues phenomenon where people feel left out of the group experience so they fake it..... Olivia, I'm sorry but this is crazy talk. If I said there were gnomes or unicorns suddenly you'd sound completely lucid and argue there are no such things. I am always stunned when someone is completely rational about one set of imaginary beings and a complete nutter when speaking about a different set.

Yesterday 5:36 PM   

Olivia Cassandrae - + Heather Wiech None taken, well, it's up to you as you see! Choice is yours. Wanna believe me go ahead believe it, don't wanna believe me go ahead don't.

I am not forcing it, I had an experience, and my Angel answered me the questions that bugged me and gave me a hope in life to survive.

And every word she told me did magic on me, I was more confident and strong. I thought if I could live this happily and could gain something out of it, perhaps what if I could share it to people around.

I have shared it, and you wanna take it, take it. Don't please don't. Choice is yours.

. . .

Yesterday 6:07 PM  -  Edit   

Olivia Cassandrae - + Michael Wilson This is real experience. And I am not creating a character here. And mind you I am a Programmer, who's job is to work on the problems in a logical way, in our field there's no magic everything is code. And still you think I am creating a fictional character! Well I am writer, but this fact is nothing to do with my experience. Then a pity.

If I am not sound mentally my company would have kicked me out of it by now. I am so strong in my language and technically I am very strong. I am a successful lady. I need not create imaginary characters to lift up myself.

I am in a position to help others, I sponsored a friend for his higher studies, I sponsored a friend to pursue her career.

I am a independent, strong girl.

+ Hugo Moors Yes, it's kind of creepy. But it's true with me. I got some one, who constantly monitors my deeds and saves me from some insane happening to me. If I wouldn't have experienced it for many times I myself would have never believed in Angels.

I have tried a logical explanation each and every time. But there's got a saturation point for me.

I am a technology person, still I am, I love to code. Coding is my passion. I used to think every thing is so logical. I believed so much in Science and not in God / Devils. But now I believe in both. Some power exists and I call it God and or Angels.

. . .

Yesterday 6:22 PM  -  Edit   

Hugo Moors - Olivia, how can you be sure it's not just all in your brain, you talk about your angel as if it is real, is that really how you perceive it, does it speak in audible words or is it just in your mind, can you speak to it?
It doesn't matter that you have a successful job, plenty of crazy people can perform fine in our society until their voices or other impulses start saying the wrong thing, perhaps it is a dangerous thing to question your voices ... I'm a programmer too (not java) there are many in this line of work with delusions, computers are forgiving in that regard they don't care about your personal beliefs (though I've been told by many users that I can perform magic ;-) )
Have you read Carl Sagan's Demon Haunted World?

Yesterday 6:53 PM   

Heather Wiech - It concerns me when people say they "believe" in science. You don't need to believe. It's not a belief system. It's an accumulation of knowledge based in empirical data. You can verify it for yourself by reproducing the experiment.

However, supernatural beings cannot be verified and the experience of them varies radically between humans. There is no clear way to test for it nor a common experience to measure. This makes the concept highly questionable.

If you have a voice in your head speaking to you it's entirely likely it's just you speaking to yourself. Hell, I talk to myself all the time... but I acknowledge it as such.


"I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people." Tartakower, Savielly

Yesterday 7:14 PM   

Olivia Cassandrae - + Heather Wiech Great, now at least you are not disrespecting me. Previously you were so rude and nullified my words as if they are piece of shit. Thank you for at least listening to me before blindly rejecting the total concept and not throwing it into the garbage.

Agreed, belief is not the word that should be used with Science. Science is set of facts that can be reproducible.

Loud thinking is very common, I do it, most of my friends do it. But this is not my mind talking to me. The very idea in this are not mine. It was told to me by Angel.

I am sure because I have seen her. And she talked to me as we do with other person. And until now I do not have any kind of mental or physical illness. Thank God for that. Touchwood.

Yesterday 8:11 PM  -  Edit   

Olivia Cassandrae - + Hugo Moors I do not see any things, I saw her twice. Once when I was struggling to get a job in IT sector for myself those were my final year; college days.

This is second time. Now if it's my imagination why will I see her only for two times? I could have seen her every day. Isn't it? And second time when I have seen her she asked me to do great deeds. And I understood that it's my destiny to serve others. I don't even understand it's full context.

Now what the heck I am gaining by saying this to world? Other than negative response.

I am not scared of any negative outcome I wanted others to know. That's all therefore I wrote an article about it. Believe it or not, it's your choice.

Yesterday 8:21 PM  -  Edit