Deeply rooted.

I have this fear . . . silly but it is there so deeply rooted and daily influences the way I think of you.

I think you look at me and see a perfect girl. You made a picture of me in your mind so strong and impeccable, and one day you would finally get a very good look at me and find out I am flawed - think that I am not as strong and as good I am, you opined or pictured about me; and I would disappoint you.

I fear, that point of time, you would expunge the feelings you have on me. I think they have the ability to drift the way you feel about me.

Near or far, I love you life.

Sometimes I think you are so near, sometimes I think you are so far. Why are you so cruel? Why are you so indifferent? Why are you so merciless? I am dying every second here, without you and without your memory. I even try to construct how it is with you . . . around me in my life? I look back every time I walk in streets with a blind belief you would follow me. But every time I do that I get a stroke, a pinch of acute pain in the heart and a dry tear in eyes. I feel I am the unluckiest girl in this world. Who is so desperate to meet you and talk to you.

What have I done to you? All I have done is to love you from my soul . . . and you give me this deep shit. But what can I say? Just to silently endure it, drink it as if it's a elixir.

It saddens when I see a couple every time having fun! This kills me, and every time it does I shout with vehement cry. The happiness around you . . . I miss it. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing with you. I miss playing with you. I miss teasing you. I miss taking you in the arms. I miss you consoling you. I miss you all of it, every part of it. And everything about it.

I don't care I being with you is a lie, but all I have is this lie. This lie of the memories is what keeps me alive. But I cannot embrace it . . . It so unreal. Reality scares me fantasy gives me breath. Now you tell me how can I be so happy in the real world? Your pain is too much to take. It's beyond the containment. I will not be handle it any further, a saturation point is nearing me. I am crying for you . . . dying for you . . . what why do you care? What for you? It's so hard to see you in silence and not able to talk to you!

I am not able to cut you off from my life. You don't care how I suffer the pain of you . . . you are so happy there. Without even a hiccup of my hell!