What's my problem?

Keep thinking what you think of me. I am not here to prove it correct or wrong. Good or bad, I just don't care.

I write because I like to write,
I talk because I like to talk.
I play because I like to play.

It's always my choice. Not any ones. You are in my life or out of my life is your choice. I am least concerned.

I love it when I see faces on others when I say I am extremely intelligent. A human with EGO and PRIDE will never digest it. I love your reactions, please keep entertaining me unhappy people.

It's my confidence.

Before talking just remember I know what you are thinking! I read people. I know you in and out. I can define entire life . . . And I am very good at it. I am at least a good person, I choose to be good by my choice. It's not a compulsion, it's my own decision derived from my mind.

. . . What's my problem?

O sky!
O my heart,
Please don't break so easily,
Just please don't hide the answers,

Please keep safe it,
It's my future and please make sure it's so safe!

My pride and ego is contained and controlled by my younger set of friends. They allow me to play with them and be part of their group. They teach me how simple life is and happiness lies in enjoying with others. Win or loose, the play is important. They keep me down to earth. I love it when they take me as their part of team and treat me like one. I am never offended by them. There are a lot of intelligent people in this world. I am not alone, but I don't find one with my own properties. I wanna see a Jayashree. Now I understand groups, categories, castes, religions, cultures are formed. It's the urge to be with people like us. We search for us in others.

Why I am facing problem in expressing myself in words? Where I am failing? Why I am scared of them? What scares me so much? I am ready to do my work then why my heart is scared of answering to others? What I am fearing? What I need? What I want? What I am scared of? 

My God,

Help me,
guide me.
All through my journey.

I am intelligent, you are not intelligent, or
You are intelligent, I am not intelligent,
So what? In the end we are friends!
They teach me . . .

~my schooling friends shout:
"Come on play Jayasri! Kick ball to Chintu . . ."

And I come out of my thoughts. I just play, it's nothing to do with win or loose. We win and we loose, it's how much we enjoyed matters. I love playing school group. They don't have a pinch of sins in them. They are so pure and true. Their hearts are innocent and good. They are just they are . . .

unaware of importance of money,
unaware of importance of status,
unaware of importance of clothes,
unaware of importance of repo,

They are so innocent, those little angels keep me innocent. They give me courage to fight and help me fight evil in me. I am this pure and good because of my little friends. I play with them. I love the football mostly, "di . . . kick like this" and they give me ball.

Why I am scared of talking or explaining myself to others?


What is my problem?