You wanted a man with the only one property and by luck, and by chance and by God's grace you meet one. But . . . you have this hard, and obsessed feelings for him. You feel great amount of love and affection on him but . . . all in vain. They are crap to him; the one you feel these things for. You can't express that to him and say, "I love you." Life is really so complicated. Nothing is straight. It's so weird that we are compelled to live with so many parameters.
God! Please give the one who thinks and feels the same for me with that single property embedded in Him. It takes a great deal of struggle to delete the feelings you have. It's so numb not to say a word to him and not able to . . . No matter how great I accumulate my energy I can't say this all to him. I fear . . . don't know what.
It's not this guy's mistake that he came into my life, but still how to avoid him when avoid him is next to impossible? How to delete him when you know he is the one man in your life who impressed you . . . the only one who bypassed my filters. Who passed all the conditions I have designed for myself. But there's a probability that I did not pass his filters. Which is must for him to feel the same for me. Hmm! So helplessness . . . so pathetic. But what's this? Why this happens? Why I have to go through all of this crap? I hate pain, I thought finally I am out, again see I am so vulnerable.
Life is becoming so complicated for me, not able to live it like normal people does. This high emotions in me does not allow me to live perfunctory life. I have to feel them . . . sometimes it's a boon but most of the time it's a curse. Some times I look at a girl - who is so happy nothing matters to her. Nothing, not even any weed or any disease in the society, family or say in her own life. So happy and contended, no goals like me, no dreams, no zeal to touch stars. I wish how nice it would be if I could lead a life like this girl with no hyper emotions and happy with the things around her the way they are. So stupid, ha! I use a lot of my brain where I am not supposed to use it. I hate it. This property of mine. But I can't avoid it. It's what makes me what I am!
I cannot run from myself.
I have to wait . . . for the mercy of God! I don't know why he gives me this pain, may be perhaps he wants me to feel it . . . because I got the strength to digest it ! ! !
Anything that comes to you with no cost around it wont be a value in it. The one which comes to you with a great deal of pain and effort carries around a great force of preciousness. When I wish for true love before giving it to me He wants me to know the value of it. I think it's the only thing . . . that keeps me away from my love!
God! Please give the one who thinks and feels the same for me with that single property embedded in Him. It takes a great deal of struggle to delete the feelings you have. It's so numb not to say a word to him and not able to . . . No matter how great I accumulate my energy I can't say this all to him. I fear . . . don't know what.
It's not this guy's mistake that he came into my life, but still how to avoid him when avoid him is next to impossible? How to delete him when you know he is the one man in your life who impressed you . . . the only one who bypassed my filters. Who passed all the conditions I have designed for myself. But there's a probability that I did not pass his filters. Which is must for him to feel the same for me. Hmm! So helplessness . . . so pathetic. But what's this? Why this happens? Why I have to go through all of this crap? I hate pain, I thought finally I am out, again see I am so vulnerable.
Life is becoming so complicated for me, not able to live it like normal people does. This high emotions in me does not allow me to live perfunctory life. I have to feel them . . . sometimes it's a boon but most of the time it's a curse. Some times I look at a girl - who is so happy nothing matters to her. Nothing, not even any weed or any disease in the society, family or say in her own life. So happy and contended, no goals like me, no dreams, no zeal to touch stars. I wish how nice it would be if I could lead a life like this girl with no hyper emotions and happy with the things around her the way they are. So stupid, ha! I use a lot of my brain where I am not supposed to use it. I hate it. This property of mine. But I can't avoid it. It's what makes me what I am!
I cannot run from myself.
I have to wait . . . for the mercy of God! I don't know why he gives me this pain, may be perhaps he wants me to feel it . . . because I got the strength to digest it ! ! !
Anything that comes to you with no cost around it wont be a value in it. The one which comes to you with a great deal of pain and effort carries around a great force of preciousness. When I wish for true love before giving it to me He wants me to know the value of it. I think it's the only thing . . . that keeps me away from my love!
No comments:
Post a Comment