Sometimes I think you are so near, sometimes I think you are so far. Why are you so cruel? Why are you so indifferent? Why are you so merciless? I am dying every second here, without you and without your memory. I even try to construct how it is with you . . . around me in my life? I look back every time I walk in streets with a blind belief you would follow me. But every time I do that I get a stroke, a pinch of acute pain in the heart and a dry tear in eyes. I feel I am the unluckiest girl in this world. Who is so desperate to meet you and talk to you.
What have I done to you? All I have done is to love you from my soul . . . and you give me this deep shit. But what can I say? Just to silently endure it, drink it as if it's a elixir.
It saddens when I see a couple every time having fun! This kills me, and every time it does I shout with vehement cry. The happiness around you . . . I miss it. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing with you. I miss playing with you. I miss teasing you. I miss taking you in the arms. I miss you consoling you. I miss you all of it, every part of it. And everything about it.
I don't care I being with you is a lie, but all I have is this lie. This lie of the memories is what keeps me alive. But I cannot embrace it . . . It so unreal. Reality scares me fantasy gives me breath. Now you tell me how can I be so happy in the real world? Your pain is too much to take. It's beyond the containment. I will not be able to handle it any further, a saturation point is nearing me. I am crying for you . . . dying for you . . . what - why do you care? What for you? It's so hard to see you in silence and not able to talk to you! And tell you how much you mean to me. And I will do anything to just keep you from going from my life. I cannot do it, you are so far. Left here, with my tsunami of sorrow. It hit me so bad I am not able to recover from it. It takes me with a surprise. I don't even know it. One tsunami of cry is fine, how do I take the multiple hits of it? Again and Again, they come and destroy my heart, break it with a tons of pressure of not seeing you in my dreams.
I am thirsty for your solace, hug and I am thirsty for you affection. So addicted to you, you so unaware of it. I am scared I would burn in this lava. I wanna touch you and feel you . . . kiss you all around your face. And hug you so hard that you wont be able to go . . . But you have to come to me for that isn't it? You won't . . . and I can't ! Why you have to? This is all crap to you right? Nothing touches you, neither my tears . . . I cried thousands of them for a stony heart like you nor my pain. I am going through a lot of it. That I can't take it any more. You wont listen it, even when you do you will close your ears. Who will save me from this never ending pain of Satanic hell? None! I beg and beg for the help . . . but no one listens. If you don't bother to hear why would others even consider?
I would give you my piece of heart, cut freshly in front of you with a smiling face if it makes you happy I ain't even hesitate . . . Take it, it is all yours, I shall not mind. You stay happy there, on your lips, not knowing how it is deep inside me. I look happy and lively but only I know how hard it is for me to maintain it all the day. How hard it is to stop the cry and impulsive tears . . . hide them from all others. You come as a cool breeze all of a sudden in the open moor touch my heart and give me pleasure for a nanosecond. It goes, vanishes in the split second when I realize it's all a lie. A lie I created around me to keep myself alive. I stay there, in the corner, all alone, not wanting to come in front of you! I keep myself busy from not to keep you in my mind like this . . . as I know this is the road which lead direct to my tomb. I don't wanna take it, don't force me to take it.
I wish to run away from this all but my legs unknowingly walk me till there. I wanna run, far and very far where there is not even a single instance of you. But I don't have a courage, this is going to destroy me. Going to perish me from my roots. Nothing interests me except you. Nothing satisfies me except feeling your presence near me. I wanna kiss you light on your lips. A tender touch . . . every time I see you and express you my love on you. But . . . there is no you! You disappear. I look around and around, and shout with hysteria, "Where are you my love? Why aren't you coming to me?" Theirs never a answer, I get no reply from you. I am so alone in the streets or at the home. I touch the fog that is not here, and feel your heat in that . . . so false! So unrealistic. But I love that, it's the only thing I have in my life. A deep heat pain strikes me when every day I see into the vacuum of my life without you.
I cry and I cry . . . I cry . . . How could you not see it?
I am not able to cut you off from my life. You don't care how I suffer the pain of you . . . you are so happy there. Without even a hiccup of my hell!
What have I done to you? All I have done is to love you from my soul . . . and you give me this deep shit. But what can I say? Just to silently endure it, drink it as if it's a elixir.
It saddens when I see a couple every time having fun! This kills me, and every time it does I shout with vehement cry. The happiness around you . . . I miss it. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing with you. I miss playing with you. I miss teasing you. I miss taking you in the arms. I miss you consoling you. I miss you all of it, every part of it. And everything about it.
I don't care I being with you is a lie, but all I have is this lie. This lie of the memories is what keeps me alive. But I cannot embrace it . . . It so unreal. Reality scares me fantasy gives me breath. Now you tell me how can I be so happy in the real world? Your pain is too much to take. It's beyond the containment. I will not be able to handle it any further, a saturation point is nearing me. I am crying for you . . . dying for you . . . what - why do you care? What for you? It's so hard to see you in silence and not able to talk to you! And tell you how much you mean to me. And I will do anything to just keep you from going from my life. I cannot do it, you are so far. Left here, with my tsunami of sorrow. It hit me so bad I am not able to recover from it. It takes me with a surprise. I don't even know it. One tsunami of cry is fine, how do I take the multiple hits of it? Again and Again, they come and destroy my heart, break it with a tons of pressure of not seeing you in my dreams.
I am thirsty for your solace, hug and I am thirsty for you affection. So addicted to you, you so unaware of it. I am scared I would burn in this lava. I wanna touch you and feel you . . . kiss you all around your face. And hug you so hard that you wont be able to go . . . But you have to come to me for that isn't it? You won't . . . and I can't ! Why you have to? This is all crap to you right? Nothing touches you, neither my tears . . . I cried thousands of them for a stony heart like you nor my pain. I am going through a lot of it. That I can't take it any more. You wont listen it, even when you do you will close your ears. Who will save me from this never ending pain of Satanic hell? None! I beg and beg for the help . . . but no one listens. If you don't bother to hear why would others even consider?
I would give you my piece of heart, cut freshly in front of you with a smiling face if it makes you happy I ain't even hesitate . . . Take it, it is all yours, I shall not mind. You stay happy there, on your lips, not knowing how it is deep inside me. I look happy and lively but only I know how hard it is for me to maintain it all the day. How hard it is to stop the cry and impulsive tears . . . hide them from all others. You come as a cool breeze all of a sudden in the open moor touch my heart and give me pleasure for a nanosecond. It goes, vanishes in the split second when I realize it's all a lie. A lie I created around me to keep myself alive. I stay there, in the corner, all alone, not wanting to come in front of you! I keep myself busy from not to keep you in my mind like this . . . as I know this is the road which lead direct to my tomb. I don't wanna take it, don't force me to take it.
I wish to run away from this all but my legs unknowingly walk me till there. I wanna run, far and very far where there is not even a single instance of you. But I don't have a courage, this is going to destroy me. Going to perish me from my roots. Nothing interests me except you. Nothing satisfies me except feeling your presence near me. I wanna kiss you light on your lips. A tender touch . . . every time I see you and express you my love on you. But . . . there is no you! You disappear. I look around and around, and shout with hysteria, "Where are you my love? Why aren't you coming to me?" Theirs never a answer, I get no reply from you. I am so alone in the streets or at the home. I touch the fog that is not here, and feel your heat in that . . . so false! So unrealistic. But I love that, it's the only thing I have in my life. A deep heat pain strikes me when every day I see into the vacuum of my life without you.
I cry and I cry . . . I cry . . . How could you not see it?
I am not able to cut you off from my life. You don't care how I suffer the pain of you . . . you are so happy there. Without even a hiccup of my hell!
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