Saturday, August 4, 2012

Namaste!

Poorness will create mutations. The helplessness creates changes in DNA. The compelling force to survive in extreme harsh environments makes humans to change our DNA according to the environment so we can survive in any horrible environment. Evolution is proof of that. Poor people tend to fight diseases very easily than rich. Mother Nature will keep them alive. They sleep in the lap of mother earth.





She sings a song of jingles so those poor people can sleep in peace. The mud takes their pain and cures the wounds. The wind will give them strength, the walking gives them stamina. The more comforts you give to your body the mutations stops.

I walk even now . . . I don't take an auto. I walk a lot . . . and it gives me a lot of stamina. Cleans my mind and makes me active 100 times more better with respect to my psychological condition. I am coping because I am choosing their life style. Not giving myself comforts or luxury but only needs. Nothing extra, making my mind to learn and react quickly. I am forcing it not to shut down. I am forcing it to think quickly and respond quickly. I am trying to get back my complete IQ.

I did not have my childhood. I was denied of games. I had many weaknesses. Intelligent human might have understood it by now. I am coping up. I am facing my weakness. All this years I was running and keeping myself safe in an container. Now I am no more interested in doing it. I am giving a lot of pain to my mind and body so it is compelled to mutate itself. I am not giving up on myself. I want my life back. I want what I want. I wanna live my life my way not the way my chromosomes define me. I am defining my own mind and body.

Mental strength is needed to fight it. It's not easy to face your own mind. How can you fight the one who knows all your plans and the flaws in your plans? I had to use the another personality to judge myself. I had to separate two different personalities.. One was myself. Another was a great Leader. Who was leading me in my vulnerabilities. She was my dictator, never forgave me until I conquer my fears. She never listens to my cries. No matter how much I beg mercy she says, do you wanna learn or not? Then do it. Don't resist. I was the worst enemy to myself.

Defining my own boundaries to myself. Taking a great deal of risks. I was the only person who was taking care of myself in the most weakest phase of life.

I am mother to myself,
I am father to myself,
I am borther to myself,
I am sister to myself,
I am a friend to myself,
I am a lover to myself,
I am a husband to myself,
I am a leader to myself.

Don't expect anything from others. I have learned all my status in a very hard way. They did not come to me just like that sitting under a tree. I was suffering both physically and mentally. A torture. A living hell which no one was ready to even accept the possibility of existence. But I did not give up on myself. I thought I am gonna learn, and be myself again. I will fight it at any cost, I will not live with it.

I have seen a good changes in my psych. I am happy. I am really happy, I am even helping others to tackle their issues for free. Pain teaches a lot . . . millions of life things. If you are happy you know nothing; you only got a lot of knowledge. But if you are in hell you learn everything to anything. You will survive anywhere and every where with flying colours. People will love you, respect you and accept you.

The same people who rejected me before now coming back to me. I don't I should be crying or laughing. Now when I am standing on my legs they are coming to me and talking as if they are my the best buddies. Oh really? The ones who throw-ed me out like I am a piece of garage. Namaste!

Namaste is a gesture in Telugu Society in India. It's a sarcastic salute to the other person saying humbly please see your way; simply means piss off!




MPD was my biggest fear in this experiment on myself. I did not wanted that. I am right now a case subject to medical students in Hyderabad. At first I was scared of isolation and abuse. But . . . I loved their respect on the confidentiality. They never disclosed any of my reports to . . . there were a lot of risks. I was worried. But . . .

When a doctor proposed me to present me to students. I
was like, what the heck. I wanted to run. He said, "Relax, you will be a study. That's it. Others will learn and help us understand you and specially your problems. It will help others, he promised any kind of consequences."

I like those students. They just accepted me. I liked it the way made me feel when I am in the class. First day was very awkward, but the second day onwards the way young and handsome doctors handled me. I just had a crush on them. They made me comfortable and said, that's fine we know everything. You are just a case . . . we wanna understand in depth. The reasons, the symptoms and etc. Don't panic.

"Where's your mother? Usually in such cases always a mother accompanies a female child."

"No one knows about this. I am fighting it alone."

"What?" "Brave girl. Good. Coffee?"

I loved the experiences with them. They are so different than normal students. They have perfect understanding of a human body. Jesus! They think only in Biology perspective not as a social perspective. I understood them, mingled with them had a galla time even then. They did not made me feel awkward or embarrassed later.

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