Identity!

 It's not money, it's not wealth, it's not fame that I am back of, it's identity what I am back of . . . starving for, craving for.

A psychological identity relates to self-image (a person's mental model of him or herself), self-esteem, and individuality. An important part of identity in psychology is gender identity, as this dictates to a significant degree how an individual views him or herself both as a person and in relation to other people, ideas and nature. In cognitive psychology, the term "identity" refers to the capacity for self-reflection and the awareness of self (Leary & Tangney 2003, p. 3).
Sociology places some explanatory weight on the concept of role-behavior. The notion of identity negotiation may arise from the learning of social roles through personal experience. Identity negotiation is a process in which a person negotiates with society at large regarding the meaning of his or her identity.
Psychologists most commonly use the term "identity" to describe personal identity, or the idiosyncratic things that make a person unique. Meanwhile, sociologists often use the term to describe social identity, or the collection of group memberships that define the individual. However, these uses are not proprietary, and each discipline may use either concept and each discipline may combine both concepts when considering a person's identity.
The story starts way around two decades ago . . .

I loved cricket a lot, it’s filled with so much of energy. I used to run, miles and miles, and catch the ball that is heading towards me with a speed of 80 kmph. I love this game partly because it gave me a chance to play with my little brother. Those days I was his the best friend. My brother gave me another nickname ‘Reserve bank of India’. I got this name because I used to always sponsor him. He loved me a lot, I was the only person in his life that never used to scold him for his errs.

He used to do a lot of mistakes, always made wrong choices. His mistake is to be reckless. He never cares for anything or anyone. In fact he is not even mature enough to know the difference between good and bad. He knows only one thing to play and to play. No matter what he never abide to parents law. Every parent force laws upon their kids. They forget the basic thing is that without experiencing any thing in life they won’t grow. It’s a horrible experience for a kid to be controlled. They lose their basic confidence level. I know the feeling, my parents did the same thing to me. But I never imposed such ridiculous and baseless laws on my brother. I let him grow, I gave him the experiences he needed to learn what’s good he had to adapt and what’s the bad he had to expunge from his life. I always showed him the way and all he had to do is to make a choice. It’s his right. I taught him to decide at that age only.

I promised myself not to scold my brother no matter he comes to me with any truth. This is not only the love on my little brother but also my pain which was induced by my own parents. What I did not get from my parents, and what I wanted the mostly from my parents, I wanted to give my brother those. I did not wanted him to suffer the way I did. I never wanted him to give the feeling of loneliness, the feeling of being all alone in this whole world none to support. I am trying to save him from this feeling.

Even when he did any perpetration, at his age, 11; what a boy’s perpetration would be or say can be? At most he steals something and gets caught. And it’s bad to me and you, but what is bad for a 11 year old boy who does not even know what he is talking? All he knows is to play and then get what all needed in order to play with his friends. He does not even have an age of understanding the value of money or even managing the money. Money is a token for him to exchange better things that would make him play. Well, I always supported him, he is after all my brother, I covered his tracks. And helped him to escape the mom’s harsh treatments or dad’s punishments. We were the best friends.

For any mess he did he had that privilege to come to me without any fear or abandonment. He always admitted truth, I used to forgive him for his first mistakes, second never used be the same. He learned all the lessons he got from his troubles and he made right choices all the time not to repeat those again. I used to be very happy for him. One day he and his friend got into a fight which turned very ugly. What happened that is unforgiveable, but he was sure I would be helping him, he came to me first. Thank God! The other boy was not seriously injured. He was alive, but with very deep injuries, which are of course curable. He never left from my side, he held my hand every time, slept with me and there beside me all the time. Did not even talk to his parents, he knows they would harm him.

Two weeks passed, situation came into control, there was no police case, his friends parents were very compassionate people. They forgave my little brother. He was no more the same boy, who played and played. He changed, this incident changed him. He became studious and very good in his curriculum. He learnt that his lesson by himself. He promised me that he won’t fight again. And said he would make me very proud with his actions. Tears were pouring out of my eyes. Lessons that are untold got into his mind, I forgave him. I never let his parents torture him for this innocent and honest mistake. He is now a Fellow Researcher in a Top University, in USA.

But the day he chose to come to me rather than his parents changed my thoughts. I gave him such an impression that I would not hurt him and love him, and let him live his life with all the mistakes made. That was my identity to him. I made it myself. Now I wanna make my own identity in this life. Something unique. Something that will adhere to me under any circumstances. And revert to back to me with the kind of assurance and guarantee that I would be the only person who could be capable of handling such things.

An identity that is so hard to make,
but very easy to break.