You wanted a man with the only one property and by luck, and by chance and by God's grace you meet one. But . . . you have this hard, and obsessed feelings for him. You feel great amount of love and affection on him but . . . all in vain. They are crap to him; the one you feel these things for. You can't express that to him and say, "I love you." Life is really so complicated. Nothing is straight. It's so weird that we are compelled to live with so many parameters . . .
I have to silently bear this pain . . . I have to endure it, no way around.
God! Please give the one who thinks and feels the same for me with that single property embedded in Him. It takes a great deal of struggle to delete the feelings you have. It's so numb not to say a word to him and not able to . . . No matter how great I accumulate my energy I can't say this all to him. I fear . . . don't know what.
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